Oh my. Is it the PND? I don't think so. I think it's just one of those things - too little sleep, too much screaming!
I have had a rough old day. It started rough - burst nappies and poo everywhere, no babywipes in sight, screaming Arthur! I didn't sleep well so was tired anyway. Isobel woke up and was in quite a delightful mood but then Daddy phoned - obviously I'm pleased Peter phoned but I do wonder if that is what sets them off. And if they are 'set off' then I end up being 'set off' when I've not had enough sleep. Peter is on the phone, Isobel is attempting to talk to him but can't and so just walks off with the phone, comes back and tries to get Arty to speak to him. It's a failure. The line is very bad. They can't really hear him but are aware that he is there. He is trying to talk to them, Isobel starts jumping on Arthur, Peter is trying to say hello to Arthur, Arthur is saying 'dada, dada' and then I just have to go. We are already very late in leaving to go to a party in the lovely Portsmouth and they aren't paying any attention and I can't hear Peter to talk to him myself!
So, we're all a bit fraught after that. In the car on the way down we're doing OK - they are both doing really well considering the length of time we have to spend in the car. Don't they just sleep is often the question I am asked? Sleep? You're having a laugh. Isobel spent the entire journey saying 'mama' (not sure where that has come from) and wanting to play I-spy.....
But then disaster struck - my phone froze and sent us off (via sat nav) on some random journey which meant we were even later than late....and Arthur starting screaming (hunger) and Isobel started screaming (?sympathy?) and we were lost somewhere in the suburbs of Portsmouth. I had a meltdown in the car. I just wanted some silence so I could concentrate on not ending up in Southampton!
At the party I thought everything would be good. Isobel and Arty know everyone and there were lots of kids to entertain them and adults to talk to them! But no. Arty didn't want to stop crying unless I held him and Isobel didn't want to be anywhere except clinging on to me! I couldn't even go to the toilet! I don't think it helped me eat a good balanced lunch that's for certain!
Eventually it got too much, the screaming, the clinging - I just flipped - I couldn't help it. I rushed to find a space, any space where I could just be on my own (and ideally scream really really loudly!). But there wasn't really anywhere and the only place I could think of was the toilet - but I had a clinging daughter and I just shouted 'Isobel, leave me alone'. Then I felt so very terrible for shouting. Luckily, old friends were all around so they managed to remove her from my leg and then took me off for a walk to have a bit of space.
It's funny, I don't know how single parents do it. Perhaps they have lots of family close by - we don't. It reminds me of when Arthur was very small and Peter was busy with work every evening for about 3 months. I was beside myself - having to do all the baths, all the nappies, dealing with all the screaming. Friends all help out - but no one can help during the witching hour as they are all doing it themselves!
Isobel basically wanted to cling onto me again once I was back. Arty was asleep but soon started crying again when he woke up. I wondered if it's because they had been reminded that daddy wasn't there. Is it right or wrong to get them to talk to him when he is away? He wants to speak to them but I'm wondering whether it just upsets them as well as me?
The journey home consisted of more screaming, long traffic jams and a bit more screaming. I screamed in the car. I just wanted to be home, asleep and not stuck in a car with yet more screaming.
So, is it PND? No, I odn't think so. I think I got out of bed the wrong side and stayed that way and just lost all ability to calmly ignore the day! Perhaps because I've had two clinging children every day for over a week and just want to go for a little walk on my own and not to the office!
Oh well. White wine and chocolate cake for tea. Not the healthiest, but very very nice!
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