Mummy, can I have my injections too please?

Not something I thought I would hear Isobel ever say! But say it she did.

Yesterday was the first of the injection fests for the kids.  Oh, yes.  As the nurse at the travel clinic said 'Bangladesh, you can get lots of nasty things there.  Got to have them all'.

And on that optimistic note we booked in for our second go round in a months time.

The day started with excitement 'We're going to London, can we see the Queen'.  Arty was beside himself as he got on the lovely white and yellow southeastern train.  It was sooooo exciting to be on a 'choo choo train'.

Did we feel bad not telling them that they were going to have needles stuck in their arms? Erm, maybe a little bit.  But it was all for the greater good we convinced ourselves.  Peter did point out that in the book he is reading (Second World War by Antony Beevor) the author talks about how during the Holocaust they used the art of deception - telling people that they were off somewhere nice rather than the truth.....

Anyway, that's a completely different scale of deception.  Ours was only very very very small.  And we did bribe them with an ice cream!

There were many forms of transport involved - obviously there was the train.  Then we walked along the South Bank - together with about 100,000 other people (mainly Bayer Munich and Dortmond Fans from what I could see!).  I did ponder why we were moving to one of the most heavily populated places in the world when I can't bear to walk along the South Bank when it's that busy.  Mmmh.

Then it was the big red bus and trying to stop Arty pressing the disabled 'stop' button.  And finally we arrived at the travel clinic.   Who to start with?  Arty was first off the blocks.  Two jabs later (Hepatitis A and B and typhoid) and the nurse was slightly concerned about how we might be able to give him a BCG (for TB) given that he has to apparently stay very very still.  Ha ha.  Unlikely.

What other jabs do they need?  Well apparently, another round of Hep A and Hep B, then the BCG and Rabies (mmmh, nasty.  I had the rabies jab many years ago and thought it would be a good idea to go disco dancing that night....until someone bumped hard into my arm!).  And cholera.  But that's an oral vaccine apparently.  Luckily Dhaka doesn't have Malaria.  Only dengue.  Which you can die from and there is no treatment. 

So moving on, the bribery worked.  Ice creams with flakes in Green Park all round.  It was lovely to be in the sunshine.  The kids were happy and they momentarily forgot the pain of the needle.  However, I'm not sure how easy it will be to get them back there again for the next set!

Fresh bagels for breakfast this morning to try to make up for the pain we inflicted on them.  Only slightly not quite right - I might have mixed up the chinese five spice for the cinnamon!  Oh well.  Bit of jam and we were none the wiser!

A ffffrrraisier cake anyone?

Not the cake to make with a toddler/pre-schooler. But that didn't stop us! Inspired by the GBBO, Isobel and I set off to make the Fraisier cake. Which we had never heard of until Mary Berry taught us about it!

Now, its not for making with small children mainly because of the amount of whisking 'over a medium heat' which is required. Isobel had to watch. Which she did well. She also helped cut up the strawberries. Mainly by eating them!  End result? Well, doubt the crumb would win any prizes but we loved it.

Baking has slowed again. My sleep is still not right. I do wonder if having a house guest (nephew) has disturbed my sleep. It's my bat ears you see. That annoying 'I can hear everything' trait you develop as a mum. I hear him come upstairs, turn the taps on, etc. Oh well, only a month left.

I worry that Peter thinks its the PND coming back. Sometimes so do I. But then I talk to other mums who are willing to admit that they have days when their kids drive them nuts and they lose all patience! That makes me feel better.

I actually think I have a hormonal imbalance. My skin is so dry, it has been since having kids. I have these hot flushes in the middle of the night. And so on. There is a theory that your oestrogen and progesterone levels can be up the spout after kids. I sometimes think this might be true. Or maybe its just life and I need to stop looking for medical reasons for things. Who knows....

The return of the night

I hoped never to have to write about it but here it is. The return of insomnia. One week so far, most nights, last night particularly bad. The valerian tea didn't seem to work but then again I have no idea how long it takes! It's really getting to me. I know you have to break the cycle but I just have this memory of the insomnia that went on for months after Isobel was born. I'm scared its some form of PND returning whilst also wondering if my thyroid levels blip they picked up a while ago bit then said was fine is really to blame. Mmmh.

I was going to write this last night bit its a bit tricky as we have our nephew staying at the moment. So not really anywhere to go as the young, they like to watch tv till late and then he's in our spare room. I've wondered whether the trigger is that there is someone else about. Someone else making noises that my annoying mothers ears pick up on. Why is that? Why do you hear everything once you have children, even through industrial strength earplugs?

I know I am not alone in not sleeping but I feel very alone and very trapped in the middle of the night when everyone else is zonko. I need to find a new routine which works without having a spare bed to go to. The advice is contradictory. Stay in bed and deep breath. Get up and go somewhere else to deep breath. Read a book. Don't read a book. Watch tv. Don't watch tv. And so on.

Isobel came into our bed last night at 4 am apparently. I heard her on the stairs whilst sleeping on the spare matress in artys room.  She doesn't normally but she has a bad cough. Funnily enough though I worry about precedent and habit. Will she start wanting to come to bed with us all the time etc. I found myself thinking about sleeping pills, herbal remedies and the like and my concerns with taking them, addiction, habit forming etc. I think maybe I am over analysing? I have now found the sleeping pills, ready for tonight if needed.

On a happier note, it was like something out of a scary film this morning when Peter woke me up whilst deep in slumber and dreams. I forgot where I was and turned round to find arty standing up in his cot looking at me! I was momentarily scared.

So my battle for better sleep will start anew. And in the meantime I will keep baking! We made a Danni fine Jamie Oliver chocolate tart last weelend, you could eat the mixture raw from the bowl in massive mouthfuls although health and safety would no doubt have a cow with all that raw egg! And we made Jamie bread which was great and the best bread I've made for agrs as it was basically a brick.

Isobel and I made malt loaf (health health) this weekend and, inspired by the bake-off also made some fondant fancies. We ran out of delicate pink rose water flavoured icing though. Instead we mixed the old blue and yellow and developed a whole new Halloween treat - the incredible hulk fancy!

Be Ro - milk fadge anyone?

So, after a few glasses of wine with a friend the other evening, we had a good chuckle about a recipe in my 1950s cookbook which I found at my mum and dad's house a while ago.  It was for a 'milk fadge'.  Never heard of it - but the proof is on the right handside.




So, Saturday came and Isobel and I decided that it was time to make the 'fadge'.  How hard could it be? Not hard at all it turned out.  In fact, the easiest thing I've ever made with Isobel.  And we even did a comparison bake - the Milk Bread.  I had to phone my mum to check that they had turned out roughly as expected - my granny used to make them apparently and serve them warm with butter and jam. So we did as suggested - and ate them warm, and I have to say, they were lovely!  We will be making our Christmas cake this year from the Be-Ro book - why not?  The current age of austerity and high food prices seems to tally quite well with the idea of 1950s Britain, food shortages and so on.

Fadge is on the left, milk bread is on the right!

The wonders of the Lakeland catalogue

OK, so this isn't the Lakeland catalogue, but instead a picture of Corfe Castle in Dorset.  We had a great holiday - I can't believe I'm back at work already.  If only we could win the lottery, pay off the mortgage and spend all our time on holiday! But that would require buying a ticket, and a massive miracle.

So, back to work. Oh the joys.  The trains are still rubbish - it was amazing how well they ran during the Olympics, like clockwork.  Then the Olympics finished and all I can think is that the bonuses stopped.  No more clockwork trains.

The dad of a very old friend of mine died while we were away.  I went to the funeral on Monday.  It was quite difficult (quite? I mean very - and he wasn't my dad!).  I was so incredibly impressed by her strength as she stood up and said some words about him and about the wonderful life he had lived.  How she could do that without breaking down I don't know.  It made me think though, it made me think of how lucky I am to have Peter, my two monkey children, and to still have my parents and brother.  I realise how many questions I have to ask my mum and dad - like how my mum makes her Christmas cake, what is was like to go on a big boat to Australia during the war, what the 60s were like for them!  I should write a list and ask them so I don't ever wish I had but never did.

Anyway, onto more positive tones.  Isobel has decided that she wants to be an ipad when she grows up.  How we laughed we she announced that one!  Arthur is running around cuddling everyone in sight which is lovely. And me? Well, I am still getting better I think.  The pills aren't needed anymore and I can't believe its about 6 months since I stopped.  It's still hard at times, but I'm monitoring it and can now quite clearly link it to the lovely monthly cycle.  So at certain times I should really just stick a sticker on my head and say 'keep away, I'm grumpy'. 

Durdle Door coastline (not the door itself of course).  One of my favourite spots!

I have also realise that what I need is a little adventure.  Holidays with family are great, I love them.  But I realise that before I had children I used to travel.  Quite a bit.  I traveled with work and on holiday - to some great and different places - Ethiopia, Rwanda, Uzbekistan, Northumberland (!) and so on.  Since becoming pregnant with Isobel more than 4 years ago I've been on a plane once (well, twice if you count coming back again).

It's a massive change.  I don't want my old life back in terms of traveling a lot with work etc., but I do want a little bit of travel again.  So, the plans are afoot.  It's off to Delhi and Orissa next year (for work, to see some toilets - 2.5 billion people don't have access to 'improved' sanitation - basically they poo in the open.  I'm off to look at work being done to try to help address this problem and understand how to do it in a cost effective way - i.e - build toilets that people actually use).  Then, and this is the exciting bit.  To Burma hopefully, with another very old friend.  Just a week but even so.  I am so excited at the thought.

To counter that excitement and help me sleep, I have found myself perusing the Lakeland catalogue.  Now Lakeland, for those who aren't familiar, is a shop which sells all sorts of stuff for the kitchen (and home) - from baking trays to peelers and knives.  And always some sort of crazy thing that you can't imagine anyone using.  Peter and I had a competition - to find the most useless looking item.  In the current catalogue, in order of perceived uselessness we have:

• the stuffing protector (£8) - not quite sure why string won't do...very closely followed by
• the tea tool 'no drips on worktops, no burnt fingers and no mess' - seems like glorified tongs for a teabag to us! (£4.49)
• the egg boiling machine (£11.99)

And finally, the Great British Bake Off - oh my, it's the final next week.  What will I do when it finishes AND there are no Olympics to watch!  I am going to place a bet I think, on James.  The Tank Top boy.  I love his flavours and use of Whiskey!

Dorset, Devon and Durdle Door

Finally, a holiday. It feels like an age since the last one. But then again, it was a year ago. I wonder if when Isobel goes to school it will help us take our holidays more regularly, even if we can't afford them due to inflated school holiday prices. She can camp in the garden I suppose!

So yes, here we are in sunny Devon, right on the border with an equally sunny Dorset. Now, I am emphasising the word 'sunny' as the rest of the country is being washed away as we speak but here we have blue skies and sun albeit with a bit of windy woo!

The best bit about this area is the coast. I love it. It reminds me of many an adventure when I was younger, BC. The Portland youth hostel, drinking gin on Chesil Beach, swimming at Lyme Regis, eating ice cream at Lulworth cove, walking up Golden Cap in a wee bit of fog, and of course, Durdle Door.

Tool Isobel there yesterday. I'm hoping she won't be traumatised. It was sooooo windy I was everso slightly concerned she might fall off. Distraction on the wall consisted of thinking about ice cream and favourite flavours. Girls like vanilla and boys like chocolate. Apparently.

I think she might have been underwhelmed by the door itself. 'Can I touch it mummy' she asked as she looked out from her precarious perch on the cliff edge at the waves crashing about at its base. Er, no. 'Oh'. And off we went again.

Ended the day with some wine and the Great British Bake Off. I am betting on Danni or Brendan at the moment as tank top boy seems to have gone off a bit. I can see Peter thinking of getting me a deep fat fryer after the donut making. I hope not. I would be fat as a house! A breadmaking course I could do though. Hint hint.

You're not my best friend anymore

 

Sharing more random photos of the Olympic Park - this time for the last day it was open and glorious sunshine was the order of the day!

So, I thought the phrases 'You're not my best friend anymore' and 'You're a silly banana head' would start at primary school.  You know, lots more kids, lots more older kids with older siblings, lots more potential to learn these types of phrases (and far far worse I imagine).  But no.  Nursery it seems is where it starts.

Yesterday I was not Isobel's best friend on a number of occasions.  The main one related to the fact that I played out the wicked witch character as I took Isobel away from a playdate (it was time to leave - I wasn't being too evil!) where she and her friend had dressed themselves up as Disney Princesses and were merrily prancing about.  Disney Princesses.  Where did that come from? I have no idea who they are - Peter has less than no idea and yet Isobel comes home one day talking incessantly about Belle and...well, Belle basically.  So I have learnt - we have Belle, we have Snow White and we have Sleeping Beauty.  And some more - whose names I still don't know.  And then apparently there are the Princes - not only Prince Charming but a whole load of other ones.  Is this what my life is to become?  Being a 'silly banana head' because I don't know the names of the Princesses?  I suppose it could be worse....

Some more random Olympic Shots - the Wheelchair Basket Ball and Goal Ball below - which was an intriguing game.  No idea whatsoever what the rules were!

Thinking about Disney Princess, Isobel earned enough stickers (new behaviour modification/bribery technique we are trying) to choose a magazine - she chose the Disney Princess Magazine.  I presume because it is just sooo pink.  It can't be because of the contents (can it?) because frankly they were rubbish in comparison with Thomas and Peppa magazines of the same ilk.

Anyway, I think I'm now back in Isobel's good books - perhaps because we are off camping tomorrow and after the success of the last trip, I splashed out on a ready bed which I thought would do her and then do Arthur when he is a bit bigger.  However, I have not yet told Isobel that the bed appears to be broken - after her excitement at seeing the bed, I think she might be slightly upset when she realises that it had to go back to the shop!  Mmmh.

I might have to make some chocolate brownies to make up for it!  The return of the Great British Bake off has inspired me again.  I want to bake. And bake.  And then eat it all.  Hence I am not baking (well, not very much), in case I turn into a brownie or a 'showstopper layered torte'.  I did however get inspired enough to make some rough puff pastry to go on Peter's home made pie.  Now it wasn't perhaps quite the right texture for Mr Hollywood but who cares, it tasted nice!  And thinking of Mr Hollywood, we are off camping with someone who looks just like him.  Here's hoping he can perhaps bake like him to - mmmh, imagine some lovely fresh croissants for breakfast!

Peter's pie (with home grown vegetables and left over chicken) - complete with rough puff!

And finally, back to the Jamie Oliver challenge which progresses (slowly though - slowly slowly catchy monkey...or something like that).  Last night was Thai Curry night - now I think the sauce might not have been intended to be quite the colour it came out but it tasted good, as did the chunky coconut and lime salsa.  Lots of limes in this little lot - 7 I think in total.  The curry paste was a little bit of a faff it must be said, well for a work night anyway, but it did taste good.  A friend has asked me how many more recipes I've got to go - unfortunately, quite a few!  There are more recipes in that book for sauces, dressings, pasta flavours etc than I thought possible.  Onwards and upwards as they say!  Maybe some bread next week.  Or semi freddo.  Or roast chicken.  So many choices!

Tomato, lime and coconut salsa

Green Thai Curry Paste

So the Olympics are over.....but the sun is out!

Yes, we had a great time! It was such a happy two weeks, not sure it was quite worth £9billion but oh well - it's spent now and we all had fun (well, this family did anyway!).

One afternoon, whilst watching the diving, Isobel appeared.  She watched, quietly in the background as they dived off those 10m boards.  'Can you do that mummy?'.  Ha ha, how I wished I could but I think my fear of heights will stop me.  The next day she was practicing at the side of the baby pool.....now then, diving off 10m boards, not something I imagine I would be very good at watching her do if she did decide she wanted to give it a go!

I'm just posting a few pictures of the Olympic park as it looked so lovely.  Aren't these flowers great?

So, I've had a blood test for my thyroid.  Now they say it's fine but I might be anaemic! So another blood test is needed.  A friend who has an underactive thyroid said that there are links between all these things from the research she has done.  Let's see what happens!  Interestingly, there are also reports about the happy pills I took (Sertraline) and thyroid problems, although it doesn't appear to be statistically significant research in terms of a strong relationship! Still, it might explain it.

One of the highlights of the olympics was us watching Usain Bolt in the 200m semi finals.  My goodness that man can run.  I laughed though.  Mo Farrah runs a 5 km in what, 12 mins?  And looks like he's barely exerted himself.  I run 5km in about 30 mins and look like a beetroot!  Don't think I have those Olympic genes somehow!!!

Next week we plan to get back to some Jamie Oliver cooking as he's taken a backseat for a while.  However, there are two other contenders for our cooking attention - the Great British Bake Off is back! Hoorah.  And they made bagels last night - which has inspired me again!  The other contender is a 50s buffet party after I found a 1950s cookbook of my granny's in my mum and dad's loft.  Some tuna vol-o-vont, shrimp boats and babycham!  Bring it on

Feeling crafty.....

For some reason I feel I've been quite productive today - especially when I was out for lunch for most of it with the kids! Maybe it's the sunshine!

I also know I must be careful though. After both kids were born I just did too much I think - I baked, made stuff, went out....and what happened? I got exhausted. I think that played a big part in the whole PND thing. I am just not good at not being active....and I also need to remember that when I see Isobel who has clearly taken after me - I find it hard to deal with her craziness but basically she is just doing what I do - running around like she has ants in her pants, wanting to try things, expend energy, not seeing the point in sitting....ha ha. Arthur doesn't appear to have inherited that....well not yet anyway!

So I started the day with a run. Not just any run but a run 'off piste'....followed the signs for some public footpath and ended up in a sea of oilseed rape flowers intermingled with stinging nettles.....and then got rather lost passing the same man and his dog about 3 times. He surely thought it was odd but was too polite to say 'nutter'.  Ended the day with some crazy disco dancing in the bedroom with Isobel and Arthur....probably not best practice in getting them to calm down before bed but how we all laughed!

In between I've started a dodgy homemade lantern (needs spray painting, pink of course), and started another Jamie Oliver recipe.  Shock of shocks it isn't asparagus.  No, its a tart. Oh a lovely tart.

The first stage this evening was to make the sweet pastry. Now then, last time I made sweet pastry it shrank into a tiny weeny ball in the oven....so, am wondering if Jamie will do me proud.

He has quite an interesting way to make it - after whizzing it up in the Kenwood (behaving this evening), the recipe calls for it to be pushed together into a dough with the fewest possible moves and then wrapped in clingy in the fridge.

So far, so good. Although its really a wee bit crumbly - hoping that means it will be lovely and short and opposed to dry and rubbish! Then he calls for it to be sliced into 5mm slices and pressed into the tin, then frozen. Not tried this before. Anyway, it seemed to go in ok and I appear to have about 3 large tins in the freezer now for all those tarts!

Made a pavlova with the left over whites. It is summer after all ;-).  A kid of delia meets nigella combo. Peter is so excited at the prospect of pavlova he can barely contain himself....well ok, he's on the sofa with me watching LOTR the two towers with some lovely cider.  God bless England in the summer.

Next pie installment tomorrow - will the pastry melt in the mouth or shrink to be smaller than a hobbit!

How many weetabix should a baby eat?

Well, apparently Arthur likes to eat 3 for breakfast! Yes, 3! I almost fell over.  He had one at home before going to nursery where he then promptly tucked into another 2......Oh my! Surely that it not normal.  Are we creating a blimp baby? Do we have an obesity crisis in development???

Three weetabix.  That's more than me!

So, it made me think about a few things:

(a) obesity levels in children - apparently by 11, 33% of children are obese in the UK http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7777108.stm.  That's quite frightening.  Obviously there are many reasons for this and there are lots of commentators who look at issues such as lack of activity, over-eating, eating the wrong things, poverty levels etc.  It makes me think of the story regarding the health visitor who commented to a friend of a friend that she had people 'blending macdonalds meals' to give to their babies when they were weaning them.  Now some might argue that 'in poor areas, there isn't the access to fresh fruit and vegetables and that for some, Macdonalds might be the nearest place to get affordable food to eat'.  Others might say that it was to do with education.  But whatever the reason, it's clearly a sad state of affairs as what you eat whilst pregnant and then what the child eats in the first 2 years of life is so important for it's future development.

I went to an interesting talk the other week by a lady working in Zimbabwe who was looking at issues of malnutrition and stunting and trying to work out what the interactions were in the environment which were impacting on children.  She talked about the first 1000 days of life - http://www.thousanddays.org/about/ - and the work they are doing to monitor pregnant women and children up to 18 months/2 years.  The statistics on child stunting, malnutrition and longer term brain, bone etc development were quite stark. 

(b) Being outside - there are all those statistics being shared at the moment about how children aren't playing outside as much. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8623152/Children-no-longer-enjoy-playing-outdoors.html

The other weekend we spent most of the time inside (it was raining and raining and raining) but we still managed to go bowling - Arthur wanted to rush off down the lane to get to the skittles!

This weekend the sun was shining as a result we spent the whole weekend outside and there were families everywhere - running around, playing football, flying kites and generally enjoying themselves.So, the National Trust has started this 50 Things to do by the time you're 11 and 3/4! I was reading this in some magazine last week and it made me smile - I want to try some of these!   the link is below - it makes me laugh as they have to have the 'Health and Safety' comments added too - don't climb a tree on a wet day, don't roll down a really steep slope and so on...

https://www.50things.org.uk/parents-area.aspx

Which ones would I have a go at in my slightly older age?  Here we go:

- bury someone in the sand (I buried my dad and brother when I was young - but think this needs to be done with a certain husband now!)
- hunt for treasure on a beach - preferably find some real treasure with real sparkly gold!
- get behind a waterfall (apart from the fake one at Wisley in the greenhouse)
- go on a nature trail at night
- go wild swimming (do Hampstead Heath ponds count...? probably not)
- find a geocache - what on earth is this? technology enabled treasure hunting. 

And on that note, I'm hungry and need to eat something.  It's cold and wet outside (well it is May!) so I'm off to find a cinammon bun from the freezer, one we made earlier:

I can't believe he's one

Where has the time gone?  So I made the jolly green dinosaur and jolly pleased I was too!

It went down a treat too.

Work is still going well.  In fact, I'm really enjoying it which is good.  I'm strict on my hours but it's going OK and the men I work with (and women) are great.  It's interesting though as I've worked for some quite high powered women in the past - women with children who I thought would be understanding about the need to leave to pick up children and the challenges in balancing it all.  They weren't quite as understanding as I thought they might be.  It eventually came out that that's because they had nannies - nannies who were there bright and early, all day and sometimes at night too! So no rushing from A to B to drop them off, pick them up, think about tea, do the washing, get to work, and so on and so on.  The men I'm working with on the other hand are full of the old 'I wish I'd spent more time with my kids when they were little'. 

So we're now gearing up for Isobel turning 3.  Will the tantrums stop? Ha. I do wonder.  After today's performance.  We went to an Easter Egg Hunt (the first of a few she has been invited to).  To start with she was a little unsure of what to do.  I could see this look of 'why is everyone else running about all excited? What do I do with this plastic pot?'. But she soon got the hang of it and piled up the eggs....and then promptly sat down and started unwrapping them and shovelling them in as quickly as she could.  Anyone would think they were going to get up and walk!  Eventually I thought, that's probably enough now (as she was practically bursting chocolate out of every part of her!) so I had to remove them.  Oh my. Oh my.  One and a half hours of screaming.  And lying on the ground. And screaming a bit more.  What did the other children do?  Look at her then carry on eating their breadsticks.  Oh the joy.  How I needed a gin at 11am!

She has since almost forgotten about the eggs which I've put away in the fridge ready for Easter itself.  Clearly I am some sort of mean mummy.  Fancy taking the eggs away from her.  She did actually vomit up chocolate though so I think I was right!  A friend told me once how everyone had told them about the terrible twos but no one had mentioned how three year olds might become 'demonic' (that might have been a bit harsh but it got the message across!).

She is lovely though.  We made hot cross buns this afternoon.  To take to Grandma.  I'm slightly concerned that they are going to be full of her hair but ho hum.  Since when did a bit of hair hurt?  She is now in bed singing the Sound of Music very very loudly to her 'little rabbit' (which is actually Arthur's but he doesn't seem to have noticed).

I'm slowly reducing the pills as per the doctors orders.  Now on 50mg a day for the next 10 days, then 50mg every other day then nothing! Am feeling OK about it.  Slightly scared as I seem to be feeling awfully tired and have a strange taste in my mouth (is that the pills? I am hoping it's either that or PMT and not anything else!!!!).

Right, I think that gin is most definately calling!!!

Testing out some accidental purchases

So we have two birthdays this weekend and mothers day. What other excuse to make cakes do you need? Isobel and I spent the afternoon making dairy free cupcakes, testing out recipes from the new Squires Kitchen mag called 'Bake school' (or something).
Then I tested out my new cutters and voila, sparkly, badly painted, highly breakable butterflies! But I had fun.

Work is finally here....

And it actually was quite a nice day. Last week was hard though. Arthur hated going to nursery to settle in. I sat in the car crying after dropping him off and poor Isobel was very upset to see me upset. 'I don't like you mummy' which was hard even though I know she was referring to not liking me crying. It's strange, it felt like that impending doom you feel when you have an exam due and you just want the day to arrive but at the same time you don't!

My insomnia came back on the Friday night and I was gripped with a fear that I couldn't cope with it but I remained as calm as I could and so far sleep has got better again, though still not great.  All the images of the past few years, including memories of times before Arthur was born came flooding back. The sadness is normal I think. It seems more pronounced this time as I know that we won't have any more so its a time of life which won't be repeated. I was chuckling with a friend on Saturday about how I had sat in the car basically thinking how 'that's it, I have to work until they nail me down now'.....how uplifting!

But I mist say, Peter did cook a very good pork pie in Saturday as a treat - complete with a hot water crust pastry! Oh I wonder if the GBBO will be back soon to distract me from the chore of getting on the train. 

'Mums aren't allowed to be ill'

So said the doctor last week when I took Arthur in covered in spots.  Luckily, Arthur is now better - he has stopped pooing and is back to his normal, Henry VIII feeding style self! There was me worried he was wasting away (well, not really - he was 10lb 12 when he was born after all!).  Now Isobel is poorly and Peter is poorly too - both with high temperatures, coughs and generally moping about.  As with most mums, apart from my little mental health issue (which I feel is almost dealt with), I battle on, fighting off high temperatures and dosing everyone with calpol and lots of water!

Yesterday I made some lovely pink bunting for Isobel - she was poorly and I thought 'I know what will cheer her up' - and I was very pleased.  My sewing wasn't straight but it's getting a bit better.  Tonight I put the fruit in to soak, all ready to bake a fruit brac which my mum used to make for us when we were little - I still remember it, wrapped in baking paper, with a small spread of butter and eating it on the train in France.  Looking forward to baking it tomorrow.

We were meant to be on 'holiday' this week.  A last week of fun before I go back to work (not that work isn't fun - well, the people are fun, the work is generally interesting, stressful and at times quite depressing).  Instead, Peter has been in bed, Isobel has been miserable and I've been washing and ironing!  I did get out for a lovely run today though - it was so lovely and warm and I ventured out into the woods for the first time.  It made me long for Spring when it will be slightly lighter in the evening.  The woods are so good for the soul - all the birds singing and no cars.  Really really enjoyed it.

In preparation for my return to work (the countdown has started - 10 days to go), I've been thinking about the plus points (as well as the negatives - mainly the stress involved in trying to get both kids to nursery, on the train, into the office and out again to pick them up whilst also doing a full days work....oh and the fact that my salary will basically be eaten by nursery fees, train fares and the council tax!).  So, plus points so far include (a) it's only 3 days a week; (b) I will be able to have a cup of tea/coffee and hopefully drink it without it going cold; (c) going to the toilet without a little voice hurrying me up; (d) talking about something sensible (whilst trying not to refer to myself as 'mummy'); (e) maybe even reading a book on the train if I can sit down!

I have also been trying to train my brain again to think in an office work way.  Obviously, one of the things which has annoyed me is that any mother (and many fathers too) probably have exceptionally strong organisational skills (get the kids ready, have some food in, have nappies and other necessaries to hand at all times etc.), negotiation skills (dealing with a toddler), management skills (managing children and husband and trying to fit in a bit of time for 'me'), planning and delivery skills etc - but these are basically seen as non-existent in terms of office work and the sometimes slightly 'down on stay at home mums' media.  Anyway, in terms of my office work brain, these are the things I've been doing:

- not reading the papers they have sent me as I can't quite bring myself to but instead reading 'Chasing the Devil' by Tom Butcher who is retracing the steps of Graham Greene in his book Journey without Maps which is all about walking through Sierra Leone and Liberia;
- reading about Somalia on Wikipedia and the BBC after watching the news about the Conference today and kind of wondering what difference it will make;
- watching Brian Cox on Horizon this evening about the search for 'peaceful' nuclear fusion (see here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00hr6bk).  Now this interests me.  I have a real interest in the climate change, peak oil, sustainability debates etc.  I recall a talk by Kevin Anderson from the Tyndall Centre on 'dangerous climate change' and whether we were already on a pathway which nothing can stop.  Not necessarily the most uplifting but it had links tonight with the Horizon programme which included some Professor calculating how the world might be able to achieve equitable energy use for everyone by 2030.  Basically it was quite depressing listening to him talk through how many wind turbines needed to be erected every minute, biogas pools every second, solar panels every second and so on - for the next 25 years.  (For more info on K Anderson check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Anderson_%28scientist%29)

And then I think - oh, yeeks, this is all far too serious.  Time to sit and look at fabric websites instead to consider what fabrics I can use to make some storage boxes for out lovely new cupboards (thanks to Mark at A1Class Joinery!).

Too many challenges?

I'm having a desire to change the colour of the font.  Had enough of black I think.

I've been thinking about the year and what it is going to bring - lots of challenges as I've said before.  So, what have I done?  Despite my best efforts I've found myself thinking about some new 'personal development' opportunities (mmmh, I've been thinking too much about work I think with that jargon!) I'd like to try out this year.....

What are they? Well, here goes:

- learn to crochet - I am left handed so knitting has always been a bit of a challenge.  However, someone recommended a book to me about crocheting for lefties so I'm going to give it a go!

- cook all the different types of pastry in Leith's baking bible (no, not in preparation for the Bake Off - despite Peter joking that I should give it a go) - so, flaky, rough puff, sweet, etc etc.  Not started that one yet.

- sew one item a month (I thought a month was vaguely manageable) - I've achieved this one for January having made another cushion cover.

- run a half marathon with my good friend Mrs WP.

- make a cake pop (I had one the other day - slightly strange, I wondered how they made them stick to the stick and not crumble everywhere....so I looked it up - and think I might give it a go!).

That's it - is that manageable?  I am thinking it is.  Let's see!

Christmas baking - yummy yummy

Chocolate covered orange peel - yummy yummy

 

I have made a few Christmas presents this year and had a lot of fun doing so!  Isobel has also helped - though the big Isobel moment is coming tomorrow when we attempt to ice the cake!!!

Firstly, I made some chocolate covered orange peel - oh I love this stuff.  It costs a fortune in Brussels chocolate shops so I was beside myself with excitement when I saw a recipe in the Waitrose magazine.  And I got to test out my free citrus peeler which I got at a Jamie at Home party.  It's really quite good despite being a bit of an unnecessary item.  Here it is together with the resulting orange peel pieces:

Now, I've tried to find an online version of the recipe to link to but can't so here it is:

- take 2 large oranges and remove peel.  Cut peel into strips about 0.5 cm wide;
- plunge strips into boiling water and simmer for 5 minutes;
- drain and then repeat;
- put 250 g of caster sugar in a pan with 250 ml of water and heat until the sugar is fully dissolved;
- add 5 cardamon pods (bruised) and a tablespoon of orange blossom water (which you can get in Sainsburys and such places) and the peel;
- simmer for one hour until the peel is soft and translusent;
- leave to cool on wire rack (put some greaseproof under it as it sticks to everything!) for 24 - 48 hours or until it's basically dried out.

- then melt 150g plain chocolate over a pan of water and dip the orange peel in the chocolate.  Sprinkle with cocoa powder and chopped pistachios (we used about 20g cocoa and 30g chopped nuts).
- leave to set.  Then eat...or should I say, wrap as gifts!

My second baking effort was biscotti - I remember talking to Mrs WP about it whilst out looking for coffee mugs in Starbuckles.  How do you make biscotti we wondered? Surely it's low in fat/sugar and high in goodness we thought (??!).  So, I had a go at the BBC recipe for Christmas Biscotti:

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/8022/fruity-christmas-biscotti


And they were pretty good really - Mrs WP should comment as we gave some to her and Mr WP for a gifty.  And suprisingly easy to make!  Really recommended.

Feeling Christmas baking vibe

Been baking and making and its made me feel good. Now I can't share all of the baking yet as some are gifts for someone who I know might read this!making mince pies with arty was great fun. He was really jivving to some Xmas song on the radio. He can move (well, I say move, more shake his body about!).

Mince pies made the house smell all christmasy. And I tried out my Jamie at home mini bites tray to make small ones - good for diets but more importantly good for kids so adults can keep the large ones!

Then isobel and I made Christmas cards. She was very enthusiastic with the paint but it waned a bit on sticking so I had to finish off. And a right mix of cards we have! Glitter and gold spray everywhere but not a pink card I sight, despite her best efforts!

Yes more stollen

So I seem to be making another stollen. Peter didn't get any of the last one and was feeling most put out so to distract me from my job application and the ridiculous wind and rain outside I have started my stollen - with pecan nuts in it though to use them up! Bake, bake, bake....diet starts in January I think.

Seem to have started my baking a bit late tonight. Arthur is teething so already been awake twice. Have been trying out hewletts cream on his rash from all that dribble! Anyway. So much for my early night while peter was away.

Off to see new counsellor on Wednesday. Having said something to the doctor about the
NHS counsellor I've now had three texts from him saying to text if I need to see him. Seems to me that if you are seeing a counsellor with PND it shouldn't be up to you to pewter them and make your appointments for them. Not sure its the best use of precious NHS resources.....I am hoping this new, non-NHS counsellor can help me more.

Must eat more healthily

One of the pieces of advice for PND is to make sure you eat properly. Not been very good today. It started well with some fruit and fibre and I even managed an Apple, some blueberries and pomegranate at lunch. But seem to have eaten another large piece of stollen (will there be any left for peter?), a Tim tam, some toast and some ice cream!

Then this evening I made some mini pecan tarts in preparation for the weekend. Not made them before as was intrigued by cream cheese in the pastry. Could not believe they would come out of the tin but they did (Jamie o mini bites tin, very good). And even more excitingly they have bourbon in! Yum. Only eaten one which am pleased about. Must put them away!

Smelling lovely stollen

The house smells lovely. Mixed spice. Mmh. It's a happy smell and slowly getting me into the Christmas spirit! Been baking the stollen from Jo's blue aga blog. Not tasted it yet but it smells yummy. I ate the molten marzipan which seemed to burst out of it - isobel will love it.

Went running again today. Needed to escape from the house and my toddler who was in one of her screaming moods!maybe the left over sugar rush from the party yesterday? Anyway, happily ran about 10km. So feeling very pleased. And ever so slightly tired.