Quite a busy week. Finished off by an hour in a baby sensory room (see above) which is like a chillout room in a nightclub but for babies.....and tired mums!
Forgot to take my pill another few times - it's not a good idea to stop suddenly apparently. I have been told that I need to be on them for about 6 - 9 months in order to really get over this. I still wonder how they really work - do they mask the symptoms and give you the space you need to sort yourself out and for your hormones to settle or do they somehow help 'fix' you by creating positive feedback loops. The counsellor couldn't really explain that bit - but then the counsellor has, to be frank, been rubbish. I've seen him twice in about 4 months. He arranges everything by text, then cancels, then says 'I'll see you again in a few weeks' and then doesn't get in touch. All a bit odd. So I think I'll look at some private counselling as I think it would be good to get someone to talk through coping mechanisms with.
My main issue I needed to help tackle (and may still need to) is insomnia. I had no idea that depression could lead to sleep problems but apparently it's one of the classic symptoms. It was amazing - 6 weeks exactly after Arthur was born, it started. It was exactly the same as with after Isobel (I had been told by my doctor at that time that I should ask my husband to 'make me a cup of tea'). I think it was worse this time because I knew it had come back and I was sooooo hoping that it wouldn't. I used to get so wound up and angry that I couldn't sleep, convince myself that I would never sleep again and have some quite scary thoughts about how I could stop my mind racing. I thought I was going mad. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. The health visitor tried to help. A homeopath tried to help. Peter tried to help. I tried hot chocolate, valerian tea (not recommended when breastfeeding though!), tranquility tea, camomille tea, reading a book, not reading a book etc etc. What worked? The pills worked. As soon as I took them.
Anyway, moving on. I have had a productive week on the creative front. In addition to planting bulbs in the front garden (clearly I can't remember what they are called), I've been cooking and baking - a lot! Last week my great triumph was the masala dosa I made following a Jamie Oliver recipe which uses gram flour. I love masala dosa. I used to eat it a lot when I worked in Malaysia. It was a staple, in addition to nasi lemak (or fat rice....which I must try to make).
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| Adding the potato mix to the dosa |
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| Trying to illustrate the crispy base! |
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| Yummy. With yoghurt and MD Mango Chutney |
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