Time for a nosey

Kids are safely deposited with granny and papa. New sprouts of grass watered (the sun appears to have come out-shock!) and I am on the train to meet my husband and go on a plane together, on our own, for the first time in 5.5 years. Going in the plane isn't the exciting bit. Three nights on our own in a hotel! What on earth will we talk about??

Now the last time I went to Gatwick with Peter was just after my hen night. I was going to Ethiopia for work but the evil liquor had got to me and my oh my was I ill. He had to come to help me stand up! And stop the car when I felt a little sick....

Anyway. No repeating that today! So why are we going? Well, to look at accommodation, schools, motorcycles riding on pavements and generally to have a nosey. I last went to Dhaka 10 years ago. I have a slight feeling the population and chaos might have increased since then.  It's 35 degrees at the moment apparently. 35 degrees.

The kids keep talking about going to Blangladesh. Although Arty insists not in an aeroplane.  Isobel was slightly traumatised not to be able to come but she will have much more fun baking cakes with granny than being dragged about looking at schools me thinks!

Looking forward to this.  Will be taking photos for the kids and might share a few here.

Mummy, can I have my injections too please?

Not something I thought I would hear Isobel ever say! But say it she did.

Yesterday was the first of the injection fests for the kids.  Oh, yes.  As the nurse at the travel clinic said 'Bangladesh, you can get lots of nasty things there.  Got to have them all'.

And on that optimistic note we booked in for our second go round in a months time.

The day started with excitement 'We're going to London, can we see the Queen'.  Arty was beside himself as he got on the lovely white and yellow southeastern train.  It was sooooo exciting to be on a 'choo choo train'.

Did we feel bad not telling them that they were going to have needles stuck in their arms? Erm, maybe a little bit.  But it was all for the greater good we convinced ourselves.  Peter did point out that in the book he is reading (Second World War by Antony Beevor) the author talks about how during the Holocaust they used the art of deception - telling people that they were off somewhere nice rather than the truth.....

Anyway, that's a completely different scale of deception.  Ours was only very very very small.  And we did bribe them with an ice cream!

There were many forms of transport involved - obviously there was the train.  Then we walked along the South Bank - together with about 100,000 other people (mainly Bayer Munich and Dortmond Fans from what I could see!).  I did ponder why we were moving to one of the most heavily populated places in the world when I can't bear to walk along the South Bank when it's that busy.  Mmmh.

Then it was the big red bus and trying to stop Arty pressing the disabled 'stop' button.  And finally we arrived at the travel clinic.   Who to start with?  Arty was first off the blocks.  Two jabs later (Hepatitis A and B and typhoid) and the nurse was slightly concerned about how we might be able to give him a BCG (for TB) given that he has to apparently stay very very still.  Ha ha.  Unlikely.

What other jabs do they need?  Well apparently, another round of Hep A and Hep B, then the BCG and Rabies (mmmh, nasty.  I had the rabies jab many years ago and thought it would be a good idea to go disco dancing that night....until someone bumped hard into my arm!).  And cholera.  But that's an oral vaccine apparently.  Luckily Dhaka doesn't have Malaria.  Only dengue.  Which you can die from and there is no treatment. 

So moving on, the bribery worked.  Ice creams with flakes in Green Park all round.  It was lovely to be in the sunshine.  The kids were happy and they momentarily forgot the pain of the needle.  However, I'm not sure how easy it will be to get them back there again for the next set!

Fresh bagels for breakfast this morning to try to make up for the pain we inflicted on them.  Only slightly not quite right - I might have mixed up the chinese five spice for the cinnamon!  Oh well.  Bit of jam and we were none the wiser!

We're moving.....to Dhaka!

So, it's been a while.  Life has gone a bit bonkers.  The weather remains cold and depressing - I've been wondering if it's a conspiracy by British Gas and the like to keep our bills high!

Anyway, I was going to start writing some blogs about my sourdough attempts.  There have been many and varied. 

This is how my starter started (thank you Mr HollyWood).  Contents - a festering organic apple, some flour and some water:

This is a more recent success (i.e - it actually rose and was light and airy!):

However, times have now moved on and it's time to reinvigorate this blogging m-larky.

In fact, I'm going to change the name slightly, a play on words.  From now on I think it should be known as 'Tales of Sundarban motherhood....' after the Sundarbans (http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/452) which represent the world's largest stretch of mangrove forest.

We are moving to Dhaka.  Why I hear many people ask?  Well, in terms of work it's one of the best places for me - I'm a climate change and environment nut and so to work in one of the main countries which is going to feel the full impact of climate change it makes such huge sense.  For the kids, well, OK it's going to be a shock (the sheer numbers of people, the air quality, the new schools etc) but I am hoping that it will open their minds to the world, the realities in which so many people have to live and give them opportunities to travel to places beyond most people's wildest dreams (Sri Lanka, Nepal, China, Bhutan....the list goes on!).

Anyway, I thought it would be good to start documenting this process.  And my is it a process.  My first visit in almost 10 years is next week.  For Peter it's his first visit.  He's hard core though.  I don't have any concerns.  After all, he has picked up dead bodies post-genocide in Rwanda.  Here's hoping he can find some sort of job - I'm not sure how long he could really cope with playing tennis at the club and going for tea with the spouses......

The kids aren't coming with us on this trip. They are staying at home with granny and papa.  Granny and Papa have got a house full of gin to cope with the aftermarth! Isobel seems relatively interested in the notion of moving to 'Blangladesh' although I'm not entirely (well, not at all) convinced she really has a clue what it means.  I say that, she understands she has to go on a plane - and then completely freaks out at the thought of them shutting the doors on the plane after she has got on!  Which makes me chuckle, especially as she asks in the same sentence whether the plane 'goes upside down' to Blangladesh.

So, from now on this blog is going to focus on the trials and tribulations of moving to Dhaka and living there with a small family.  The things we see, the smells, the tastes, the chaos, the frustration and the happiness.  I hope it will give an insight into life overseas not only for us but also and in particular for those for whom Bangladesh is home.

And of course, I can always try to make sourdough in Dhaka....and maybe branch out to make sourdough bagels for the expats?

It's so hard

This sleeping issue.  I try to remain positive and calm but its just so hard. I dose off and one of the many people in the house makes a noise and that's it, wide awake! I just want the house back to silence.  I am anxious about work.  I didn't sleep until 4am last night.  How will I go to work if that happens in a few weeks time? I feel my anxiety rising but there is nothing I can do.  I don't even have my lamp to read by as its been taken for one of the visitors.  I long to sleep.  I long to run away and just have a few days and nights by myself to rest and go to sleep. I want the people downstairs to stop talking. I want someone to take this insomnia away from me.  It's become a habit and now somehow I have to break it but whilst the thing that caused it to form is still here and my main coping strategy, to get up and move to a different room, is no longer available.  Ideas welcome!

So, it's been a while

A whole month in fact. Life has gone a bit mad. In between the joy of little Isobel dressed as an angel (I even gave her a halo....it was a bit big though and kept falling down!) for her nativity and Arty eating his weight in Christmas pudding, my sleep has not improved. It's beginning to drive me mad, all the coping strategies I've tried have worked a little and then stopped. I have no spare room to escape to as we have the nephew with us still, and now over Xmas we have an extra 5 people in the house. For some reason it's stressing me, making me feel a bit trapped. I had a little panic attack on the train this morning. It was going so slowly and was so full I just wanted to get off and had to practice my deep.breathing techniques to calm myself!

I am wondering if its related to the mirena coil being fitted. I wasn't sleeping that well before it was but it hasn't got any better and my anxiety has increased.....but then maybe its not that and just me! So the other night, at 1 am when the whole fact I was still awake was driving me mad, I found myself sitting on the sofa crying. I just feel so fed up that the insomnia is back and I control it or find the solution or cause. Eventually Peter reminded me of the words of the doctor from a few weeks ago, who suggested taking the anti depressants again if it got worse until we could find out what else was going on. So I did. And oh god I've felt quite rough and also quite disappointed. Disappointed that I'm taking these things when I don't believe I'm depressed. Disappointed that for 4 years now I've not felt myself and that it doesn't seem to have gone away despite all my best efforts. Disappointed that I've not been able to control my sleep disturbance.
But on the positive side I've made an appointment with the doctor and am going to push to see a specialist who can actually talk me through these things. I'm also going away with work and am really looking forward to that, albeit quite nervous. I used to travel loads before having kids, now I'm wondering if I'll be able to....it's like my confidence has gone!

So, I'm not ending the year as I hoped but am still in a better place I think than this time last year! Onwards and upwards.

What no sleep?

Oh this is so boring this disturbed sleep.  I thought I would write about it.  It's 2.45am. I don't think I've been to sleep yet. I've got a sore throat and cough and feel lousy but can't sleep. Back of my mind?  I need to sleep to get better.  Result, no sleep.

So, I have basically been sleeping fine until I came back from holiday, about 7 weeks ago.  Since then, sleep all over the place.  I am trying to remain calm, getting all wound up doesn't help.  Some days I'm better at that than others.  Like today. I felt this wave of panic surging over me that was heading towards want to have a good shout.  But I have kept it down.  It's not the end of the world.  I've tried to think about what has triggered this? Nephew staying? Peter going away 3 times? Stress (about some weird thing I don't recognise as the annoying thing is that there is nothing going through my head!).....The doctors have said listen to Paul McKenna, get up, drink hot milk and so on. Take anti depressants.. That scared me.  I don't feel depressed at the moment. I have been taking magnesium supplements and since then have been feeling much calmer.

So, I don't know.  I know it's annoying and I know I'm tired, but I have some good days and some bad. It's a pain though. I just want to sleep. Maybe that's my problem. Stop wanting it. Maybe I should get up and make bread. Or even croissants which frankly would at least mean a good breakfast!

Today is World Toilet Day

Yes it is. 19 November. 2.5 billion people don't have access to sanitation. Women and children are particularly vulnerable. Women are at risk from attack and abuse in many places when they have to walk into open land to go to the toilet. Children, in particular girls, may not go to school if there is nowhere safe and dignified to go. Please think on this as you go about your day.