It was only a little breakthrough, but an important one.
It might sound a bit small and trivial but it confirmed in my mind how far I have come in the last year. I'm still having blood tests for my thyroid (which if it comes back with an underactive thyroid would explain sooooo much) but whilst I wait for them, I am monitoring my mood and monthly cycle to try to understand what is going on - and there is definately a pattern! Before I had kids I never really noticed the 'time of the month' - now it's like all hell has been let loose! It's almost like when the egg is released, I feel this amazing surge of rage and lack of patience and the same thing then comes back when my period comes! It's nuts! Why did no one warn me that this might happen (mind you, why did no one warn me about a lot of things after having a baby - like not quite being able to hold your wee in when you run too fast down a hill! Ha ha, the joys). Anyway, Peter is surviving (just), although being a man he hasn't quite figured out the pattern and so is always a bit shocked when I am not my normal happy self!
Anyway, back to the breakthrough. Basically, at tea this evening, Isobel and Arty were having yoghurt and fruit - you know, the frozen kind of berries which make the yoghurt go all lovely and pink....and it seems, stain the wall and anything which happens to be white! Isobel declares she wants to sit next to me, I try to encourage to stay in her chair (she's got ants in her pants at the moment at meal times). I fail. She gets up, with pink staining fruit and yoghurt in bowl and in her hand, she trips and drops the bowl. The yoghurt mess goes everywhere - really, everywhere. Up the walls, all over the floor, up the chairs, all over Isobel etc etc.
This time last year, in mid-PND, that would have caused me to flip my lid and raise my stress levels. It was that kind of thing which I just couldn't cope with - the thought of having to clear up again, the fact that Isobel wouldn't do as she was asked etc. But today, I took a deep breath, gave her a cuddle, joked that it had almost reached as far as Scotland and sat her back down with some new yoghurt and fruit whilst the clear up took place. And that's when I noticed that it stains - really stains. Lesson learnt - don't have white walls in the kitchen!
Oh, and we baked today. Chocolate brownies from the Hummingbird Cookbook. Unfortunately, with friends round too we ate them all before any picture could be taken, but they were yummmmmmy and good for the soul.
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