Now we are three.....

And so far, we've been quite a challenge!  I find going to work to be a huge relief - is that wrong?  At work I can go to the toilet with no one wanting to get me out, scream at me, hit her brother and so on and so on.

Isobel has been crying.  A lot.  It's as though she turned three and decided to turn on the tears.  This sometimes brings me to tears.  Everything ends up being some form of tantrum or meltdown.  OK, so I might be exaggerating but that is how it feels!  I see other 3 year olds sitting there, quietly getting on with their jigsaw puzzle or drinking their drink and I wonder how they manage it as mine screams or runs around like a nutter!  It's not as though I don't try to discipline her - I've tried focusing on the 'big stuff' and not nit picking.  I've tried rewards/stickers.  I've tried the 'time out step'.  I'm worn out from trying!  I find myself blaming myself for having done something wrong - does she resent the fact that I'm back at work? Does she resent the fact that Arthur came along? Does she get enough to eat? Too much? Enough sleep? Too much?  I'm tired.  I'm tired of dreading my days off when she wakes up screaming and continues all day.  She is so lovely when she's calm and relaxed and playing but recently she just hasn't been doing that all that much!  Is it the PND, is it still there making me more sensitive or is it just her? Just a phase she is going through?

Juggling work and children is tiring.  I think it's tiring because you almost want your days at home with them to be lovely and to do lots of fun things.  So it's sad when they aren't and when your children don't seem to be happy.  The constant rushing from a to b - to drop them off, pick them up, make sure there is something to eat, pay the bills, get up earlier than normal is tiring too.  There also seems to be less time to see your partner!  I've taken than on too - trying to book in some time with babysitters so we can go out to the pub or something.  Peter is lovely, but he is also quite happy to just be in, putting the children to bed and sitting on the sofa (not necessarily watching TV as we have TV free nights!). I like that too, but I also want to feel like a person again - not just a mother to two lovely children!  A couple of hours out every now and then can make all the difference!

Anyway, I shouldn't moan.  We are all quite happy really and I'm lucky to have such great children and a lovely husband, however much they might challenge me at times!