I had a bit of a wobble on Sunday. Everything is OK now. But I thought maybe I should share what a wobble feels like when it happens in case it helps anyone else. Basically, I just feel overwhelmed by everything. I am really irritable and everything Peter does is wrong. I just want Isobel and Arthur to go to bed and be quiet. I feel that my life has become a relentless set of chores where I can see no end in sight. I sat on the floor holding Arthur to help calm him down, with tears flowing down my cheeks and just thinking - is this really it? I just wanted to walk out of the house.
Now its funny as I don't think feelings like this are that extreme. Before I took the pills, this would happen a lot and last a lot longer. And the tears would stay all day. And I know I have it quite lightly really. I feel almost guilty for sharing this as I feel that people will judge me and think I'm a bad mother or something for feeling like this. Perhaps that's why it's not really talked about? How many people (men can have it too apparently) are out there not really talking about how they are feeling?
I'm so glad I'm getting better. Most days my children are a joy. Peter is great - and he is great with the children. I am very lucky and I can't wait to get myself off these pills and back to my old self - it feels like it's more likely every day now.
Absolutely important to talk about it - well done for sharing despite your fears. x
ReplyDeleteThanks- I found it really difficult to find honest stories about how people were feeling. I've found lots more since I've been writing about it so that good.
ReplyDeleteI have been there so many times my friend and I was there every other day before I gave birth to Daniel. The black fog descends and it clouds every moment, every action, every thought and every judgment. I LOVE my family and my friends, but there are/were/and will always be days when I could just scream and run for the hills. I think I have found peace accepting that that is the case, putting each of those days to bed and remembering that I can always choose to let the black fog defeat me, or just acknowledge that it will always be a companion and find a way to work around it.
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