So how do happy pills work?

So had a more mixed day yesterday, think it was interrupted sleep which did it (Isobel having nightmares and waking every few hours).  All was going OK until we went to Morrisons (shopping with small children is something I try very hard to avoid doing....not worth the stress when you can do it online!) for some emergency purchases as Isobel insisted she wanted to 'eat out'.  Having battled through the aisles with all items intact we ventured to the 'self service' checkouts.....oh, that was my mistake.  Apparently you can either have a shop bag or your own bag but not 'no bag'.  The woman trying to get the machine to work for me didn't understand why I didn't want a bag - well, mainly because I was only buying 3 things and it's a waste of plastic! So eventually she made me put them in a Morrisons bag to get it to work and them take it out when I wanted to leave....Then the card reader didn't work....and Isobel started throwing the baskets around...and chaos basically reigned.

Then off we went to 'eat out' and having manoeuvred the buggy and the buggy board (which is great - apart from when Isobel steps off randomly and with no notice and collapses on the ground screaming!) into the cafe, Isobel proceeded to pour pepper all over the table.  I thought that I had it under control as I removed all such hazards but just as I was making up Arthurs bottle (having stopped breastfeeding a few weeks ago), Isobel manged to grab the milk powder and pour it all over the floor swiftly followed by rubbing pepper in her eyes.  So very much a case of Isobel screaming, Arthur screaming and me just sitting there thinking 'oh my lord'.  Anyway, the lovely people in the cafe went and got some more milk for A, gave me an extra strong cup of coffee and promptly delivered a lovely sarnie for Isobel.

A couple of months ago when I was feeling really low that would have had me descend into the abyss as the chaos and stress and tiredness combined together.  But, thanks to those marvellous little pills and my surge in baking and sewing (and wallpaper stripping - don't ask), things were much better!  I didn't want to take happy pills when they were first prescribed - I looked at them with terror worrying  more about how I would come off them or what they might do to Arty (through breastmilk) etc.  I thought I was fine - Peter pointed out that screaming in the middle of the night with anxiety over insomnia is not normal though!  Good friends and family persuaded me to take them and I'm glad I did - and so is Peter who has been a great support during this time.  The counsellor has been explaining the difference between these as 'medication' and drugs.  Basically his argument is that the pills (which apparently were developed through research into schizophrenia) can only rebalance your serotonin levels back to your normal levels - they don't take you beyond what you are genetically programmed to produce.  So, apparently, if you take drugs (including alcohol) that takes you beyond your normal levels and so alter your mood and are more addictive.  Some info on antidepressants is on the patient.co.uk website which the GP directed me to (to get me not to look at other less trustworthy sources apparently).

Anyway, back to some light heartedness.  Seemed to find a mass of cherry tomatoes in the fridge yesterday and couldn't think what to do with them - until it dawned on me to make the old favourite tomato, cheese and parsley flan which is based on a recipe from I Love Food (a book not designed for low fat eating!).  Basically, you fill a pastry case (you can make a pastry type case in the food processor with 150g flour, 100g butter and some Parmesan - then press the breadcrumb mix into the flan case and rest in fridge.  Bake for about 20 mins in 180 degrees) with halved cherry tomatoes (about 400g), fried onion and garlic and a few handfuls of chopped parsley.  Add to that a mixture of 2 eggs, 300ml of double cream, a teaspoon of mustard (I like wholegrain), and some Tabasco to taste (or the lovely double naga chilli stuff which a friend gave me and which only needs about 1 drop!).  Sprinkle cheese over the top - I used goats cheese as per the original recipe but you could use other cheese depending on what you like.  Bake for about 35 minutes or until set in 180 degree oven.  Lovely juvely.