'Mums aren't allowed to be ill'

So said the doctor last week when I took Arthur in covered in spots.  Luckily, Arthur is now better - he has stopped pooing and is back to his normal, Henry VIII feeding style self! There was me worried he was wasting away (well, not really - he was 10lb 12 when he was born after all!).  Now Isobel is poorly and Peter is poorly too - both with high temperatures, coughs and generally moping about.  As with most mums, apart from my little mental health issue (which I feel is almost dealt with), I battle on, fighting off high temperatures and dosing everyone with calpol and lots of water!

Yesterday I made some lovely pink bunting for Isobel - she was poorly and I thought 'I know what will cheer her up' - and I was very pleased.  My sewing wasn't straight but it's getting a bit better.  Tonight I put the fruit in to soak, all ready to bake a fruit brac which my mum used to make for us when we were little - I still remember it, wrapped in baking paper, with a small spread of butter and eating it on the train in France.  Looking forward to baking it tomorrow.

We were meant to be on 'holiday' this week.  A last week of fun before I go back to work (not that work isn't fun - well, the people are fun, the work is generally interesting, stressful and at times quite depressing).  Instead, Peter has been in bed, Isobel has been miserable and I've been washing and ironing!  I did get out for a lovely run today though - it was so lovely and warm and I ventured out into the woods for the first time.  It made me long for Spring when it will be slightly lighter in the evening.  The woods are so good for the soul - all the birds singing and no cars.  Really really enjoyed it.

In preparation for my return to work (the countdown has started - 10 days to go), I've been thinking about the plus points (as well as the negatives - mainly the stress involved in trying to get both kids to nursery, on the train, into the office and out again to pick them up whilst also doing a full days work....oh and the fact that my salary will basically be eaten by nursery fees, train fares and the council tax!).  So, plus points so far include (a) it's only 3 days a week; (b) I will be able to have a cup of tea/coffee and hopefully drink it without it going cold; (c) going to the toilet without a little voice hurrying me up; (d) talking about something sensible (whilst trying not to refer to myself as 'mummy'); (e) maybe even reading a book on the train if I can sit down!

I have also been trying to train my brain again to think in an office work way.  Obviously, one of the things which has annoyed me is that any mother (and many fathers too) probably have exceptionally strong organisational skills (get the kids ready, have some food in, have nappies and other necessaries to hand at all times etc.), negotiation skills (dealing with a toddler), management skills (managing children and husband and trying to fit in a bit of time for 'me'), planning and delivery skills etc - but these are basically seen as non-existent in terms of office work and the sometimes slightly 'down on stay at home mums' media.  Anyway, in terms of my office work brain, these are the things I've been doing:

- not reading the papers they have sent me as I can't quite bring myself to but instead reading 'Chasing the Devil' by Tom Butcher who is retracing the steps of Graham Greene in his book Journey without Maps which is all about walking through Sierra Leone and Liberia;
- reading about Somalia on Wikipedia and the BBC after watching the news about the Conference today and kind of wondering what difference it will make;
- watching Brian Cox on Horizon this evening about the search for 'peaceful' nuclear fusion (see here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00hr6bk).  Now this interests me.  I have a real interest in the climate change, peak oil, sustainability debates etc.  I recall a talk by Kevin Anderson from the Tyndall Centre on 'dangerous climate change' and whether we were already on a pathway which nothing can stop.  Not necessarily the most uplifting but it had links tonight with the Horizon programme which included some Professor calculating how the world might be able to achieve equitable energy use for everyone by 2030.  Basically it was quite depressing listening to him talk through how many wind turbines needed to be erected every minute, biogas pools every second, solar panels every second and so on - for the next 25 years.  (For more info on K Anderson check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Anderson_%28scientist%29)

And then I think - oh, yeeks, this is all far too serious.  Time to sit and look at fabric websites instead to consider what fabrics I can use to make some storage boxes for out lovely new cupboards (thanks to Mark at A1Class Joinery!).

Pancakes for breakfast

Peter has a few days leave this week so we are having a few family days before I go back to work in 2 weeks. I can't believe how quickly its come about.

Anyway, to celebrate the fact that Arthur finally stopped pooing after 10 days and to help him regain some weight I made pancakes for breakfast, it being pancake day and all! A cross between American pancakes and drop scones as we didn't have any syrup or Bacon but did have lots of nutella and my granny's cast iron gridle!

Yum

I have a spotty and pooing baby!

How much poo?  I'm staggered.  He's barely eating anything and yet it still comes out!  Quite scary really, though it doesn't seem to upset him very much.  The doctor said 'give him flat lemonade' to help with rehydration.  He didn't like that.  He managed to clamp his mouth soooo tightly shut I thought someone might call social services if they saw me trying to find a way to syringe this liquid into his mouth!!! He's had some rehydration fluid today - doesn't like that either but I sneakily kept swapping between his milk and the fluid and so far so good.  Here's hoping he doesn't cotton on tomorrow!

I watched One Born Every Minute last night.  Why do I do that to myself?  I watch it and feel the stress levels rising - I'm amazed by the women who can give birth with no pain relief whatsoever, especially in about 3 seconds (OK, so I'm exaggerating).  Isobel didn't want to come out - it took forever.  I laugh when I hear midwives saying 'no, you're not in active labour yet, you're only 2 cm dilated' when you've been huffing and puffing and screaming in pain for 10 hours!  Only 8 more cm to go! Ha ha. Arthur was induced - well, they attempted to induce him, twice.  Did it work?  Did it hell.  There I was in the induction suite (sounds posh, it wasn't - it was very hot, as are most maternity units I think), and despite two lots of gel, huge amounts of vomit, lots of poking about looking to see if anything changed - nothing. Nada. And then there were the ladies who came in, just seemed to look at the induction gel stuff and were off, babies practically out in seconds! 

So, whilst watching One Born (and thinking to myself - never again), I heard one of the ladies on there saying 'I'll have failed if I have an epidural'.  And I thought to myself, how sad that is that the baby isn't even born and already women have somehow got this guilt complex going on that they have to have the perfect birth, perfect contractions, no drugs, gently humming etc otherwise they have failed.  In an ideal world maybe we would all just give birth whilst sitting in a pool of water surrounded by floating candles, relaxing music and the smell of freshly baked bread, but it's not ideal.  Someone said to me - think of all those women in Africa who just go into a hut and give birth with nothing, no drugs, nothing.  I know, I agree, I have huge respect for them.  But it's also worth thinking of the vast numbers who die in that process or whose babies die because they get stuck etc.  Anyway, I digress.  I suppose I just noted the whole 'guilt' thing starting so early.  I had an epidural.  Do I feel guilty?  No, I don't.  I had vomited for almost 2 days with Isobel and could barely scrape myself off the floor only to be told I was only 2 cm gone.  The midwife actually said - we need you to get some rest, you have a long way to go, and you need to have energy to deal with the new baby.  Isobel and Arthur are both here.  Both happy and both healthy.  And I'm here still, and healthy and happy (most of the time).  For me that was the end goal - to get the baby out safely and for me to be safe.  If that means I needed drugs, so be it.

These are a few of my favourite things

In my attempt to keep Isobel happy and calm over the weekend (she wasn't well either - both of them have produced a lot of bodily fluids out of both ends, it's just Arthur is continuing!), we all sat down in front of the Sound of Music.  And how she loves it.  She is completely transfixed.  And the good thing is, we all love the Sound of Music don't we - I mean, who can't smile as they sing-a-long to 'Climb every Mountain'.  I've been singing it whilst running too!  God bless it.  I downloaded the soundtrack yesterday, as well as Adele who I just think is a legend.  I love the way that when Adele sings she has that amazing voice and then she speaks and she sounds right sarf landan.  It's great.

Anyway, I was thinking of the sound of music and thinking about some of my favourite things which I should think about when feeling fed up and came up with the following (not a complete list of course):

Barafundle Bay - beautiful

• cold, crisp winter days (and ideally being out for a walk or run);
• turquoise sea which is crystal clear (and which exists in the UK yes indeed - we found some at Barafundle Bay in Wales);
• Isobel singing Baa Baa in bed when she wakes up;
• Freshly made coffee and freshly baked pain au chocolate;
• a hot shower without anyone telling me to hurry up;
• warm, snuggly socks;
• a nice glass of Champagne (well, why not);
• Peter making me dinner (!) - maybe I'll have dinner cooked tonight, it is Valentines afterall!
• banoffi pie;
• Victoria Sandwich Cake;
• fitting into a new pair of jeans;
• listening to Just a Minute on Radio 4.

What else?  I shall be pondering and putting some more up I think

I have a spotty baby

So, Arthur is covered in spots.  From head to toe.  They started appearing on Friday and now he's covered.  Nothing too worrying apparently, but 'please don't take him to any playgroups etc for a week'....oh and he might carry on with his ridiculous amounts of poo.  No one tells you quite how many shares you should have purchased in P&G before you have kids to get something back for all that washing powder!

Talking of P&G, I had a rant the other day - last year I seem to recall some advert about how great mums work (I think sponsored by P&G), this year they seem to be having another one except that to me, the basic message in the ad was 'mums, thank you for doing all the shopping for the washing powder, washing up liquid, razors, soap, shampoo' and so on.  And I really wanted to just say - and what about the men/dads?  Now I know that they don't do as much shopping for such things (generally) but perhaps something to start encouraging them to do it or think about it would be nice!  Mmmmh, water up hill springs to mind.  And whilst I'm on the issue of advertising, have a listen next time there is some cleaning related advert on - is the voice over a man?  A man telling the lady in the ad that she needs to make her shirts (well, his shirts, she's washing them) 'whiter than white'.   I hadn't thought about it until I met someone who worked in advertising and she was ranting about it!

Onto more serious matters.  I went running last night - hoorah hoorah, the snow has melted at last.  One of the things I always notice when out running is that no one seems to walk anywhere in the burbs once you get past about 6pm.  And there aren't that many people walking before then.  I ran about 4 miles last night and passed 4 people.  One of those was running.

Thinking of the snow, a few more pictures to warm the cockles now that it's melted:

Dribble dribble and lovely bibbities

Ok, so I'm having a bit of a rant. I needed some nappies for Isobel to wear at night.  Went to the shop. They only had Nature Babycare nappies in her size.  So I got some. They are all lovely and green and biodegrade etc etc.  They are also almost twice the price of pampers and the like.  So, each nappy we have used has torn! Not impressed. Can't really send them back now can I? Maybe I should.  If only I had the energy....

Anyway, on a happier note, I went to Wisley today.  I still love it.  Whilst we still have quite a bit of snow, there was non at Wisley. Well, a tiddly bit.  But it was cold. So more coffee and cake needed.

On returning home I set about making a dribble bib for Arty.  He dribbled constantly and has a bad rash.  It's like he's sprung a leak or something. A fleece and jersey bib is about £4 or more on eBay so I thought why not make some! So, having got over the frustration of not being able to stop the digibox recording something I don't want to see and in the process stopping me watching 'one born every minute' (why do I want to watch that? Not sure really.  It makes me cry when the babies come out!), I made a bib.  Pretty pleased really. Picture shows the shop one and my one above it! Only slightly wonky sewing!

We made the cake and made a smurf!

Papa's cake - he loves all things Russian

So, Isobel and I made grandpa's cake. Dairy free so granny could eat it. Entertainingly, Isobel decided to wipe the blue food colouring on her hands, and her face, and her hair, and in her mouth......and we had our very own smurf! Luckily the snow washed it off.

Daddy made a snowman. Isobel didn't really help.  Arthur went sledging and so did mummy and daddy.  Felt really quite young again!

Today has been a harder day. Don't know why really.  Tired I think.  Peter sat up til 315 watching the superbowl (he used to live in America and still has his American ways about him!). His team won so he has been very happy all day!  I haven't been sleeping too well though.  Not sure if its the going back to work thing or the fact Arthur is going to nursery tomorrow for first of his settling in days. Will be quite a shock. He doesn't seem old enough!  The counsellor asked me if I was ready for him to go.....am I? I don't know.  And mum isn't too good at the moment.  Maybe its just all happening at once. More chocolate might help I think.

Snow at Granny's House

Things I learnt today

And I also wrote this one and pressed the wrong button and it all went away! Doooooh.

Oh well.  So, I went to Wisley today.  I love Wisley (as you know).  It was very cold but the sun was out (my favourite type of weather).  I went to see some old family friends, one of whom is very poorly with cancer. 

I learnt a few things whilst out and about though, including:

• Henry VIII had an older brother called Arthur, who died and therefore the crown passed to him (bypassing his sister who I think is in that book 'She Wolves' which I gave Peter for Xmas to which he said 'is this more feminist propaganda'? Men, honestly);
• That 33 children have died in custody since 1990;
• That Woman's Hour (Radio 4) had run a part of their programme on favouring one child over another which sparked a whole load of responses, including this one on a blog:
•  http://bluebirdsunshine.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/favouring-one-child-over-another/

It made me think about last week when I had a bad day.  Isobel was being particularly challenging and I was being particularly sensitive!  I've been trying to keep a note of when I have bad days to see if they fit with any pattern - in particular hormonal ones!  Nothing yet, but let's see.  A friend came over and witnessed the Isobel tantrum in full flow - I lost count of how many she had in the space of a few hours!  Not because she wasn't allowed to do something like have a toy or watch TV, but because she was sooooo frustrated at wanting to do something which she isn't yet capable of doing (or it isn't safe to do - like scooter in the car park!.  My friend made me feel better as she couldn't think of anything else I could try to do differently to try to reduce the number of tantrums!  I managed to get her (Isobel that is, not the friend!) to go to sleep at lunch time for the following few days - a miracle as that isn't something she likes to do at the moment.  It made a massive difference but by the end of the week (yeeks, it's Friday tomorrow!), she is so tired it starts all over again.

My friend is lovely.  She's an honest parent.  I know lots of honest parents now - ones who tell you when they have had a bad day, how hard they find it at times etc. (as opposed to the ones who have angels for children, and are no doubt already fluent in latin and greek at the age of 3 and only ever eat fruit, vegetables and never any cake!).  Honest parents make you feel better and keep that smile on your face even when everything inside is screwed up in a ball! I love Isobel really.  She is quite delightful most of the time.  She can also be highly independent, spirited, challenging, difficult....oh how many ways to describe it!

So, what are we currently doing to let her have more independence?  Well, much is the same as others - choose which of 2 tops to wear, put things in the bin, go to the toilet herself - and now, I purchased a small jug (cheap, doesn't matter if Arthur grabs it and engages it in his current game of 'I wonder what will happen if I throw this on the floor') which she can have milk in and add to her cereal in the morning to avoid the meltdowns when she realises she can't lift the large milk carton as it's too heavy!  Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Tomorrow.  Apparently it might snow.  We will mainly be making grandpa a birthday cake.  We have a plan.  And Isobel has found him some lovely pink candles.  Bring it on.

Who pays for independence?

So, I wrote this - then pressed some button and it all went away! No idea what I did there.  Maybe there is too much whiskey in this ice cream!

Anyway, I was asking a few questions about the upcoming referendum on Scottish independence.  I've been pondering it (I need to get out more) since hearing them going on about it on the radio. I have a couple of questions - anyone have the answers?

• Who pays for the referendum which apparently will cost the electoral commission £10m?
• There are several UK government offices in Scotland (eg. Inland Revenue I think in Glasgow) - what happens to them if they vote for independence?  Can the rest of the UK have a tax office in a foreign country? What happens to all the jobs? What happens to the buildings?

Mmmmh.  Clearly I have been spending too much time thinking about hypothetical issues rather than the tasks at hand...like eating ice cream or not pressing the wrong button and therefore deleting all my text!