It's so hard

This sleeping issue.  I try to remain positive and calm but its just so hard. I dose off and one of the many people in the house makes a noise and that's it, wide awake! I just want the house back to silence.  I am anxious about work.  I didn't sleep until 4am last night.  How will I go to work if that happens in a few weeks time? I feel my anxiety rising but there is nothing I can do.  I don't even have my lamp to read by as its been taken for one of the visitors.  I long to sleep.  I long to run away and just have a few days and nights by myself to rest and go to sleep. I want the people downstairs to stop talking. I want someone to take this insomnia away from me.  It's become a habit and now somehow I have to break it but whilst the thing that caused it to form is still here and my main coping strategy, to get up and move to a different room, is no longer available.  Ideas welcome!

So, it's been a while

A whole month in fact. Life has gone a bit mad. In between the joy of little Isobel dressed as an angel (I even gave her a halo....it was a bit big though and kept falling down!) for her nativity and Arty eating his weight in Christmas pudding, my sleep has not improved. It's beginning to drive me mad, all the coping strategies I've tried have worked a little and then stopped. I have no spare room to escape to as we have the nephew with us still, and now over Xmas we have an extra 5 people in the house. For some reason it's stressing me, making me feel a bit trapped. I had a little panic attack on the train this morning. It was going so slowly and was so full I just wanted to get off and had to practice my deep.breathing techniques to calm myself!

I am wondering if its related to the mirena coil being fitted. I wasn't sleeping that well before it was but it hasn't got any better and my anxiety has increased.....but then maybe its not that and just me! So the other night, at 1 am when the whole fact I was still awake was driving me mad, I found myself sitting on the sofa crying. I just feel so fed up that the insomnia is back and I control it or find the solution or cause. Eventually Peter reminded me of the words of the doctor from a few weeks ago, who suggested taking the anti depressants again if it got worse until we could find out what else was going on. So I did. And oh god I've felt quite rough and also quite disappointed. Disappointed that I'm taking these things when I don't believe I'm depressed. Disappointed that for 4 years now I've not felt myself and that it doesn't seem to have gone away despite all my best efforts. Disappointed that I've not been able to control my sleep disturbance.
But on the positive side I've made an appointment with the doctor and am going to push to see a specialist who can actually talk me through these things. I'm also going away with work and am really looking forward to that, albeit quite nervous. I used to travel loads before having kids, now I'm wondering if I'll be able to....it's like my confidence has gone!

So, I'm not ending the year as I hoped but am still in a better place I think than this time last year! Onwards and upwards.