What no sleep?

Oh this is so boring this disturbed sleep.  I thought I would write about it.  It's 2.45am. I don't think I've been to sleep yet. I've got a sore throat and cough and feel lousy but can't sleep. Back of my mind?  I need to sleep to get better.  Result, no sleep.

So, I have basically been sleeping fine until I came back from holiday, about 7 weeks ago.  Since then, sleep all over the place.  I am trying to remain calm, getting all wound up doesn't help.  Some days I'm better at that than others.  Like today. I felt this wave of panic surging over me that was heading towards want to have a good shout.  But I have kept it down.  It's not the end of the world.  I've tried to think about what has triggered this? Nephew staying? Peter going away 3 times? Stress (about some weird thing I don't recognise as the annoying thing is that there is nothing going through my head!).....The doctors have said listen to Paul McKenna, get up, drink hot milk and so on. Take anti depressants.. That scared me.  I don't feel depressed at the moment. I have been taking magnesium supplements and since then have been feeling much calmer.

So, I don't know.  I know it's annoying and I know I'm tired, but I have some good days and some bad. It's a pain though. I just want to sleep. Maybe that's my problem. Stop wanting it. Maybe I should get up and make bread. Or even croissants which frankly would at least mean a good breakfast!

Today is World Toilet Day

Yes it is. 19 November. 2.5 billion people don't have access to sanitation. Women and children are particularly vulnerable. Women are at risk from attack and abuse in many places when they have to walk into open land to go to the toilet. Children, in particular girls, may not go to school if there is nowhere safe and dignified to go. Please think on this as you go about your day.

A ffffrrraisier cake anyone?

Not the cake to make with a toddler/pre-schooler. But that didn't stop us! Inspired by the GBBO, Isobel and I set off to make the Fraisier cake. Which we had never heard of until Mary Berry taught us about it!

Now, its not for making with small children mainly because of the amount of whisking 'over a medium heat' which is required. Isobel had to watch. Which she did well. She also helped cut up the strawberries. Mainly by eating them!  End result? Well, doubt the crumb would win any prizes but we loved it.

Baking has slowed again. My sleep is still not right. I do wonder if having a house guest (nephew) has disturbed my sleep. It's my bat ears you see. That annoying 'I can hear everything' trait you develop as a mum. I hear him come upstairs, turn the taps on, etc. Oh well, only a month left.

I worry that Peter thinks its the PND coming back. Sometimes so do I. But then I talk to other mums who are willing to admit that they have days when their kids drive them nuts and they lose all patience! That makes me feel better.

I actually think I have a hormonal imbalance. My skin is so dry, it has been since having kids. I have these hot flushes in the middle of the night. And so on. There is a theory that your oestrogen and progesterone levels can be up the spout after kids. I sometimes think this might be true. Or maybe its just life and I need to stop looking for medical reasons for things. Who knows....

Ups and downs

So, I had a real down day yesterday.  Some children seem to always be soooo placid, so calm, so 'do what mummy asks'.  I don't have children like that.  Spirited someone said was the word to describe Isobel.  Someone else suggested she was 'super bright'. Whatever it is, it has it's moments.  And yesterday those moments were really quite hard. 

We're at the pub for lunch with a bunch of friends.  I say we, I mean me. Plus two small ones. And Mary. The Doll. Oh my. Don't forget the doll!

There is a soft play attached to the pub.  Isobel has been to a Halloween party where they provided her with (a) juice; (b) cake; and (c) Haribos (which I hate and unfortunately she can now open unaided!).  So sugar was flowing through her veins.  We play in the soft play.  All is well.  She has lunch (well, kind of).  All is well.  She wants to fill my glass up with 'juice' from the soft drink thing and wanders off.  Comes back with a glass full of ice and a quite disgusting looking drink which I'm told is a 'combo. Mmmh.

In the meantime, Arty has had enough.  It's way past his bed time, he is having a meltdown.  So I say 'Isobel, we need to go now I'm afraid'.  Isobel: 'Can I take my juice' (meaning my combo drink).  Me: 'No, the glass belongs the pub, it's not ours'. Isobel: scream, fit, smack me in the face, kick, more kicking, more screaming, more smacking.  Oh my god.

Anyway, that was yesterday.  I gave them a very long bath.  They had turned into little prunes by the time I got them out.  But it was a calming moment for everyone.  Either that or I would have drunk gin at 4pm which is maybe a tad early?

Or maybe not?  Children.  Physically and emotionally exhausting.  But, when they are on tip top form, how lovely they can be.  Like today, in the swimming pool, Isobel declares 'I love you mummy'.  And that almost makes me cry.